Luna's Triwizard Tournament Commentary
by Hippothestrowl
Summary: Prepare yourselves for the most exciting spectator event ever - then read this authentic Quibbler commentary transcription instead.


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><p><strong>Luna's Triwizard Tournament Commentary <strong>

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This is Luna Lovegood commenting on the Triwizard Tournament. Can you pick my bag up for me please? It fell down there. Yes, that's the one. Sorry I'm a bit late. Did I miss anything? But it was Harry I wanted to comment most fairly upon anyway.

Well that was probably exciting but now it's Harry's turn and this next dragon is extremely vicious and dangerous. I bet Harry is very excited; I would be. It's also a very interesting creature. The scales on their legs are set at seventeen degrees so Chizpurfles cannot wibble up and tickle them over. That's the only angle that Chizpurfles cannot climb. I think it's really clever don't you? If I had scales I'd have them at seventeen degrees too.

Yet the Hungarian Horntail must be very silly I should think if it cannot tell a real egg from a false one don't you think? It's probably due to Wrackspurts I'd expect because if it were really that stupid then its scales wouldn't be at seventeen degrees would they?

Oh look! Here comes Harry! Hello Harry! He looks jolly frightened. I would transfigure myself into an egg if it were me, Harry. This dragon cannot tell the difference.

Oh! Harry has escaped on his broomstick! Good plan! 'Bye, Harry!

Oh look! The dragon has abandoned all its eggs, real and false, and flown after Harry. That is without a doubt the most dippy dragon that has ever been in a tournament. Are we allowed to go down and get the egg and give it to Harry if he comes back? I think we should and save him the bother later.

They are now just specks in the sky...

No, they're not.

You see that fluffy white cloud on the left? It could be mistaken for an egg don't you think?

Ooo! Ooo! Look there over the Forbidden Forest. Can you see those lovely thestrals! ... Oh no, sorry, you can't can you.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Something's happening...

No, sorry... No it's not.

Ooo! Here's Harry! He just swooped in and he's taken... the wrong egg. What a pity just when he was so... Oh no, sorry - it was the right egg. I can't really tell the difference.

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The four contestants are about to take the plunge. I thought Harry would be really scared but he's so laid back he's having a bite to eat I think. Someone should warn him that you mustn't eat a meal before swimming don't you think? This is why so many fish end up dead I'm sure.

Ooo! Ooo! They've dived in and... they have gone underwater! All four contestants have disappeared under the surface. Oh.

The lake looks quite pretty this time of year don't you think but I'd plant some gaseous flatweeds around the edges if it were me. That would attract the Flame Ingoes so it would be luminous at night then I wouldn't keep falling in.

Oh! Look! Something really exciting!...

No, sorry, it wasn't.

I see a ripple - several actually. Can you see them? Just there! No, over there look. Do you think it could be... No sorry, it's this breeze that has just sprung up.

I wonder what the contestants are doing right now? It's exciting to think what they might be doing isn't it?

I wonder what's for pudding later?

Ooo! Here comes... a fish! Did you see that fish splash? No? Oh well...

Perhaps it wasn't a fish then.

Here comes one of the contestants! She's jolly wet don't you think? Ruins the hair. I rub in Glumbumble treacle myself before I shower. You have to be careful of the miseries but at least the water gets all that treacle out of your hair.

Here comes another contestant.

Here comes another. Is that the last one? Was that three or four?

Oh! Here's the last one. What a pity. It's all over now. Just at the most exciting bit when we were beginning to enjoy ourselves.

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Here we are again and the four contestants have all gone into the maze. This should be much more interesting to watch because the last one was underwater and you couldn't see much could you?

Don't you think they should have used topiary charms on the hedges? That would give them much more interesting shapes like trees or clouds or... hedges. That would be funny wouldn't it? A hedge-shaped hedge. Or a maze-shaped hedge. Even an egg shape would be more interesting - except for a dragon that can't tell the difference. Some people don't like looking at flat-sided hedges for three hours. You could have a... Oh no, you couldn't could you.

Ooo! Ooo! Look there over the Forbidden Forest. Can you see those lovely thestrals! ... Oh no, sorry, you can't can you. Maybe later.

Nobody has come out yet.

Some people have gone home. Why are they going home?

I think there's some movement... Perhaps not.

Oh look! Pretty red sparks! I think that means something probably don't you think? I'd make it mean something if it were me.

Two hours later nothing happened.

Ooo! Here's Harry with a dead body! I think we have a winner! Or two. Could someone verify if you have to be alive to win?

Oh! It's Cedric. What a shame. I quite liked him. Still, look on the bright side; you can all see the thestrals now. Except for Cedric of course.

Oh look! Professor Moody has Harry in an arm lock and he's dragging him away kicking and screaming. Poor Harry. I think he's upset about something but at least he's in safe hands now.

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The End


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